Halloweeeeeeenie time

Tomorrow is going to be fun. We will all be going out together trick or treating. I finally have a reason to wear my favorite tiara. And maybe a cape. Notice I said FAVORITE tiara,yes I have more than one. I am that kind of girl. A tiara and ass kicking shoes. Perfect combination for my personality. No wonder the Husband is always off balance. He never knows what to expect. Good. If you keep a man guessing he never gets bored.


Snark

Well, you are quite the lady aren't you madam?

Wow, your last post was quite a mouthful young lady(no pun intended). I am glad you got your phone problem fixed. I was trying to find out if my book idea has been done before,trying to cross reference words and such, but I cannot come up with anything. But I am going to do my work on O's computer. That way I can work and not be continually interrupted by J,when he is home. I am hoping to get started Monday. Just need to refine my outline a little more. Gosh I am boring. Here I am blah blah blah me,blah blah me me me. No wonder I don't have any friends.

WHERE CAN I GET ME SOME OLD MAN ASS?

How about in bed next to me? hahahaha. Well I've made life simpler for while turned off the phone disconnected the cable and soon shutting down the computer. Too many things to do and to many distractions to do them(and old man ass forgot to pay bill, apparently for 3 months) So i will use this time to get back to nature and accomplish some chores (and look for new old man ass) Hey I have some dog poop you could feed your husband, we can tell him its some other root by-product, then tell him the truth on his b-day, it will be a hoot!
seriously get really drunk and fuc** like monkeys, at least you wont notice when he gets up. Just here to help. I can get weed if necessary, we can cook it up in brownies and tell him its sage root.

Apparently Valerian Root smells like ass......

Well, my husband has trouble staying asleep, he falls asleep just fine but wakes up 15 minutes later and stays awake for hours. So I was going to get him some sleepytime tea but when I checked out the ingredients I knew there was no way he was going to drink that(catnip anyone?) So I got him the Valerian capsule instead. BUT,when the daughter opened the bottle last night the whole room filled with the bitter smell of old man ass. I am not kidding. He took it anyway,that's how bad he wants to sleep through the night. Not sure it worked so he took another dose tonight and now he's burping up butt. Threw the bottle in the trash. That is some strong stuff. Even your hands smelled after touching the tablets. Needless to say tomorrow we try the melatonin. I wonder what body part that smells like?

WHERE THERES A WILL THERES A WAY

MY fat baby walk? Ha, we have to basically carry the older ones ............."carry my bag of candy I'm tired" Bite me punk asses, carry my wine! Just Kidding. to bad me cant borrow a scooter from the Scooter store. There's always a desk chair. all we need is cup holders. Costume shopping f**ing sucks My 11 year old is so big she only fits in whore costumes or mens costumes, DAMN! wish me luck I'm going again today.

A rickshaw ehhhhhhh?

A rickshaw it is. Wouldn't that be funny? I can dress up as a geisha and Tim can pull me around. My Dr. appointment is not until 11-03-08. So maybe I will be better by then.

Walk? Not so fast,amigo.

Well that depends if the Dr puts me in a boot or a cast. I am not willing to go out in a wheelchair. I am willing to climb into Sydney's stroller however. Hey, you can make your big fat baby walk. OK OK. Maybe not. Let's not panic, there has to be a way to drink and walk whilst in a brace,limping along like Hopalong Cassidy. There is a way and by George we will find it!!!


Maybe a rickshaw?

FATTY Mc FAT FAT

I have a great idea, wait no I don't................ Shit I hate when that happens. Your right snark silver is a great color, when Im tired of my blond I think I'll do old lady silver/blue. Doesn't that sound HOT. Halloween is almost here I say liQuer and Trick or Treating is definatly in order. I'm going to start practicing: walking? yes, drinking? yes, drinking while walking? hell yes, asking strangers for candy? yes...... but don't tell my mom. Wish me luck my neighborhood isn't the best hahahahahah

It's about time you lazy bastard!!!!

Well, I have been far too fat to write this blog for the last few weeks,so I took a break. But now I feel a little skinnier. My fingers finally fit on the keys. Not like before,when I would be hitting 2 keys at once. And not on purpose either. But whatever. Anyway now I need to go dye my roots back to red, Silver is a pretty color but not on my hairline. As soon as I feel pretty again I will be able to write more. When I feel ugly and old the words.......come.....out.......alot........more.......slowly.BYE............


You're so funny I forgot you're fat.
Snark

candy corn

Candy corn is in fact, a dangerously tasty treat, but damn girl. well i guess ones woman's candy corn is another woman's bacon. Ha ha guess what I like? anyway my 13 month old baby is trying to eat my 8 year old, yeah and it's a full on werewolf attack. I don't know what to do. And I know I shouldn't laugh but DAMN ITS HILARIOUS!!! p.s so far no bites just attempted. DING footballs here!!!!!!! Tomorrow is a Charger vs. Bronco game and I'll be at a baby shower,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, in a bar. Hahahaha. lets hope for the best, opposing team fans will also be there, (men's&women shower), we better not lose by that much.DING. So my dogs were never pregnant, I now believe they are evil and love to fuc* with me. There I said it, your dog might be stupid, but mine are EVIL............... I win. DING, I love commas.

Fatty fatty mcfatfat

Well, I gave up the candy corn. And I am still fat. I even look fat in a girdle. Fatter actually. Whatever. I don't even know what is going on in this body anymore. My period comes when it wants to, it doesn't obey the laws of time any more. I keep getting a mustache, and piggy chin hairs. WTF. Apparently the husband secretly finds me gross. Just found that out today. He made a comment about how fat his sister was and how great she looks now that she lost a ton of weight. His sister and I wore the same size!!! When I gave him a dirty look he realized how I took that and tried to backtrack,but the damage is done. I am not even mad. I am disgusted and embarrassed with myself. Gotta go, too fat to write right now.

Holiday Candy.

Okay so it is gone. Now I have no more candy corn. I know it is a good thing but I am still a little sad. I am not a huge candy eater, just holiday candy for some reason. Candy corn,valentine chocolates,Easter bunnies and all Christmas candy. That is something for my shrink ,right? There must be some meaning behind that.
Ding.(remember readers,DING means new subject,so we are all on the same page).
I realize I use a lot of commas. Is that annoying? Did anyone even notice?
Ding. My ankle is better today for some unexplained reason. No hot dog and meatball(please refer to yesterdays post, I am not a pervert).
Ding.
So I don't think I have lost any weight yet. Not with candy corn in the house. But tomorrow is a brand new day. A chance to start fresh and clean. I have walked Monkey the dog 3 times this week though. That's a good start.

See ya

Blah blah blah

Oh my goodness there are some mighty boring blogs on this site. I have been reading some and all I can think of is SNORE. I saw a few good ones,and I haven't read them all,so if you are reading this don't get your panties in a bunch.....I am probably not talking about yours.
Ding.
Well my ankle is still hurting. For some reason it is swollen too. But in a weird way. Kind of like if I took a really long hot dog and wrapped it from one ankle around the front to the other ankle. With a meatball on the outside ankle,(can you tell I am hungry??) It hurts off and on. Driving really hurts(it's my right ankle). It has been 2 months since I stepped in a hole at just sherry's house. I guess climbing the hill 4dozen times to fix the fence so my stupid dog would stop escaping did not help.
Ding.
Can you tell I am bored? The husband went to bed an hour ago. I am waiting for the new ghost hunters to start. Oops 2 minutes to go. gotta sign off.

snark

Candy Corn,that colorful delicious irristitable vegetable

Well apparently I cannot be trusted with candy corn. Indian corn to be precise. I was fine until I saw it in the cupboard. Then I shut the door and went upstairs and all I could think about was that damn candy corn. Literally dancing in my head,it was. So........I ATE SOME. A lot actually. About 40 little corns.LOL. That sounds funny. Little corns...still lol. I promise,as soon as it is all gone I will not buy any more.Why don't I throw it away you might be asking. It is seasonal for heavens sake. That would almost be a sin. Do you throw a big box of valentine chocolates away? Of course not. That is just crazy talk.
Ding.
Well I dyed my hair.And since I dye it red it always comes out too dark the first days. So now I have dark red purplish hair. And don't forget my white skin and freckles. I don't feel pretty right now. I think is a combination of the hair dye and the candy corn. Self loathing is not a good color on me.

signed in the color of the blessed corn,

Snarky

Yesterday was a bust....not a boob, pig,a washout

Okay I tried to be good. I went for a 15 minute walk with the dog. Ate well until 2:30 and then ate 20 pieces of candy corn,a cupcake, 10 mini pretzels, a lean cuisine and that's it until dinner. Then before I went to bed I ate 10 otter pops. What the heck? Today I walked the dog for 8 minutes(ankle problems) ate some fiber one cereal and just finished my coffee. I feel like I am not really awake yet,just put on some water for more coffee. I am going to do some maintenance today,dye my hair(I haven't dyed it since early June,ugh) do my nails. So hopefully today will be better. Wish me luck.

20 lbs by halloween

the only way I could lose 20 lbs by halloween is maybe cut off a limb.hahaha. Ok If your going to try so can I. my daughter decided to wear a dress today so no bike ride, tomorrow. I need a plan. No not Jennie Craig. I'll work on it.
DING
i must say that was a great party, no fights (only a little creapy making out) everyone had a good time, and the best part is its over.
DING
ITS HOT AND EVERYTHING IS DIRTY(INCLUDING MY MIND) MUST CLEAN NOW BYE

Labor Day

Just got back from just Sherry's house. Had a great time. Lots of people,mom,the other sister,new people too. Had a lot of fun. Now I am dusty and full.
Ding.Tomorrow is the day I start a new upgrade on my life. I want to lose 20lbs by Halloween. Gonna walk the dog for 30 minutes,lift some weights and eat my lean cuisine and vegetables,do some stretches and work in my yard.And every day I will do exercisal stuff. Is exercisal even a word? Well ,you know what I mean. Maybe a little stretching outside in the fresh air.
Ding. And no more bad words.
Okay,time for 2 and a half men. Gotta go.........

Sincerely.
snarky"I am not a wiener"blogger....

stupid dog

your dog is so smart he's a dumb ass, my dogs are just dumb asses. I do feel grenner but it may be because its hot when I ride my bike and I sweat like a big fat pig. anyway, people are still dumb, and losers always get ahead I guess there like your dog, only so dumb things go there way to make up for it. DING!!! I AM DUMB, cause I thought my dog was pregnant only to find out she just gained weight, The other may be or else I may be too dumb to live, Lets hope 4 the best. peace out dillholes

I'm gonna have to let my dog be freeeeeeee

I am so tired of this dog. Every morning from 6am to 9am he is trying to get over the fence. He's whining,he's barking,he is just pacing and pacing trying to find a weak spot.

Is this Purple?

Is it? Sheb, If your butt shrinks any more it will be in inside you. You will be able to lay on your stomach and hold cereal in it for the husband. EWWWWWWW. That's gross. You better not do that. I will disown you.
Orange?
How cute that you are riding your bike to be greener. I will do my part. Watch......
How's that? Now I am making the world a better place too. Gotta go....need to get to the grocery store and do laundry and wait for the garage door guy.

the secret

change the color first then type. we're smart.

Oh Yea!

now yellow?

Is it yellow now?

Is this yellow?

I can bet this is not yellow. Soooooooo busy right now, almost ready for puppies, kids doing the school thing, were trying to go a little greener by riding bikes, which gets me up earlier. Hopefully my fat ass will shrink a little bit.(not gunna happen) got to fly.

Okay, How about this? Is this yellow?

No. How about now? Now? No? How about NOW? Damn. How do I make our posts a different color?

That's not yellow!

Okay it is not yellow. I was trying to change the font color. Didn't work. Shebby..............Figure it out. It is driving me crazy.

yellow

Hey is this yellow??

I thought his birthday was today!!

I thought today was his birthday!!!!I JUST checked the answering machine!! OMG. I am a horrible person. I got the gift yesterday. I know you said Thursday so what happened to my brain? Yesterday it took me 3 hours to remember Bruce Willis last name (it's Willis by the way).And I was up half the night trying to remember that name of the ghost movie he made. The "I see dead people" movie. And I never remembered! I still don't know. I am only 40. I better get some ginko biloba or one of those brain training games.

forget me not

well today was fun, my cousin who lives here with me turned the big 35, and snarkblogger forgot to call. amazingly enough he asked three times if she called and he even called her about that damn sprinkler head and left a message, I guess he does care. DING thats for blogging BEFORE you went shopping otherwise you would of sounded like me.

I have no idea what you are talking about.

I watched the news ,cnn,msn and local and I never saw anything about this. It doesn't really seem like a big deal. There are a lot worse things going on. But you know some people get outraged about ANYTHING. They live for tiny injustices so they can be outraged. Instead of trying to fix stuff they inflame it and spread blame. And they are everywhere.
DING.(this means "new subject" readers,when my family and friends get together we fly through subjects and everything get confused so when we switch topics we DING.Just so you know).
DING.
So anyway, I was supposed to finish my school shopping yesterday but something came up. So today is the lucky day. I cannot wait to go to walmart and see all the people blocking the aisles with their shopping baskets and electric carts. Woohoo. And then at the mall where people let their kids climb under the racks and pull clothes off the hangers. Seriously, why do parents let their kids run wild in public? I see it all the time,in the grocery store, in restaurants and in stores. What happened to good manners and class? I am not blaming the kids,I am blaming the parents. The kids act the way their parents let them.
DING.And what's with these women that just roll out of bed and go about their day? Brush your teeth,comb your hair,iron your clothes and put on some lipstick ladies! There is no reason for this. Don't say "I am too busy". Get up 10 minutes earlier. Have some pride in yourself,aren't you worth it? Maybe if these women feel prettier they will be in a better mood. Their husbands would pay more attention to them. They would have more self esteem. Yes ladies, I know that sounds shallow,I heard it with my own ears as soon as I thought it out loud.But that doesn't mean it isn't true. ANYBODY can look prettier with just little effort. Sometimes when I go out I want to go around with a comb and lipstick and one of those Tide stain pens and fix these ladies up. That would be so great for me. It would be like sex only with visible lasting results. I love makeup.And hairspray.And let's not forget my little friend.....hair dye. That reminds me. Time to go school shopping. Maybe buy myself a little self esteem in a new fall color. See ya

spain's soccer team

O.K the world is in an uproar over Spain's ad with them slanting there eyes, how dare they! Well I've heard two stories so far, from my Yahoo home page they stated they were shooting an ad for a sneaker company owned by the last Olympics torch runner(the one who ran sideways along the wall), I also say on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart that they were making an ad for a delivery service in Spain, either way who cares, I mean really, is planet wide uproar really necessary for this? Please stop wasting time when Russia is invading Georgia, and war still waging in Afghanistan and Iraq. spear me...............

Freaking hot

O.k. first thing is I like puppies. Theres something nice ( my sister said I sound unhappy) I am actually a very happy women. I got 3 fabulous daughters, all very special in different ways. I have a great husband. A great sister who has a wonderful daughter and a very smart husband( mines cuter) and another sister with an eighteen year old. we only have females in this family so we have to marry in any men. happy happy joy joy. Now a message to men who think women only want money...............there's a guy who swears up and down all women only want money that's all that counts, well being your such an ass I hope you got lots and lots of money, or your going to be a lonely dumb ass.

You'll have to be more specific.

Have a bad night Sheb? Oh, by the way readers,Sherry works in customer service. So she deals with a lot of really stupid people. I don't work but I see them everywhere I go. Sherry has the best stories too. If she were in a movie her line would be (whispered) "I see stupid people".

So I need to go school shopping later. Not looking forward to it. But the longer I wait the more crowded it will be and I hate crowds. Then I have to fix my damn sprinkler valve. I am OBSESSED now with this damn valve. The husband said to call someone but I just know I can do it. I am just waiting for my "voices" to tell me how. I take medication so it is a little harder to hear them,but they usually come through. So now.....we wait.

welcome back Carter

if you can say hello America I can what I want. I just got home from work its 1 am I am bushed but I just wanted to say people ****ing suck. Seriously people pull your sh*t together, there can't be that much room in your asses* ( for your heads for those of you this is aimed at) hahaha g'night

Hello America!!

Welcome to our blog! We (my sister and I) are new to this so we'll be learning as we go along. This blog is for us (and you) to vent about stuff that drives us all crazy. And stuff that makes us happy. And stuff that makes us laugh. And just regular everyday stuff. So let's have fun........